HIV Dating Info

Many HIV+ women worry too much about this issue. There is no one easy or perfect way to tell someone you are HIV+. As HIV+ educator and humorist River Huston put it, "Unless he's in a coma or you have a gun, there is no right time!"

Some people believe that it's not how or when you tell, it's who. In other words, if a potential partner is going to find your status unacceptable, she or he will do it no matter what. And if that person is going to accept you and the diagnosis, it may not matter if you disclose before the first date or after the fifth.

Honesty about your HIV status is really the best policy if you decide to have sex. It’s best to tell your partner well before you wind up in the bedroom. It’s also a good idea for both of you to be sober when you have the discussion. Try and read up on HIV and safer sex, this will make it easier for you to talk about.

• If you don’t want HIV- strangers to know about your HIV status, or want to date HIV+ men so disclosure is not a big issue, run a personal ad online or in print with a service for HIV+ people only.
• If you date an HIV+ person, don't spend so much time caring for him or her that you neglect to care for yourself.
• If you are concerned about a really negative or possibly violent reaction, disclose in a semi-public place like a public park. It's private enough to have a conversation, public enough to get help if you need it.
• Get advice from those who have gone before. Attend a support group for HIV+ women and ask others how they handle disclosure.
• Be prepared for rejection. Sooner or later it will happen. Just remember – you got rejected before HIV and you survived that!